I’ve never really had a problem saying No. If asked to do something I didn’t want to do, I found a way to decline, albeit not without an occasional twinge of guilt.
But my current season of No isn’t like that. In the past few weeks, and as I look ahead to the next few months, I find myself struggling to say No, even when it is evident that to say yes would stretch me in time or money. Why this sudden change? Because now the things I’m saying No to are things I want to do. People I want to be with. In each instance, I am choosing between good and better, between what I want to do now and what is good for my future, whether that future is the next day, week, month or even moment.
All of a sudden it isn’t so easy to say No, to deny myself something I desire. But in that No, I’m learning to lean more on Jesus, to trust that He won’t let me miss anything that is for my good, to discern that still small voice that directs my day to His pleasure and not my own. I still cringe a bit as I say No. And fight the urge to throw myself a pity party for what I miss. And yet in this season of No it seems God wants to teach me more about His sufficiency and the joy found in obedience.
So I’m learning to bite down my instinct to complain and bend my knee to the One I serve with all my heart. And in that submission, I appreciate the Yes moments even more.